How do I choose?

Dear Mitch,

So I had been dating this guy for about a year. I broke up with him because it was just an “okay” relationship, and not an amazing one. Since we broke up, he’s done a LOT to change, and try to get me back! I’ll call him “Tom”…

Tom’s a wonderful person who has some flaws – but then again, who doesn’t?! But, after we broke up, I met another guy – everything I’ve ever wanted in someone. But here’s the catch: He lives in New York right now. He’s supposed to be moving back to California in a few months.

I don’t know if I should tell my Ex to kick rocks, or give it another shot with him, since he’s done a lot to change.Or, wait for Mr. Amazing. So confused!!

I’m young enough that there’s a lot of other choices out there… but when you find someone with everything you want? Or, when they’ve bettered themselves for you?

What do I DO?!?

Miss Confused
Sacramento
Hey Miss,

Who wrote “The Book of Love” – they’ll know!

Which is more valuable to you… someone who will “change for you”, or someone who seems to naturally be “the whole package”? What IS “everything I’ve ever wanted in someone” for you?

* A person who is willing to change?! AWESOME!!... A priority characteristic!!Life is change, and someone who embraces change in a healthy manner is truly special!

* Finding someone who naturally “fits” you is comforting, with similarities providing foundation for long-term relationship success! Hey! Are you READY to take on “the whole package”?

The “packages” we draw are those appropriate to who we are at the time! Now, you’ve attracted two potential partners – two “packages”…

One with a history including separation – an opportunity to learn more about yourselves individually…Did you take advantage of that opening?

One offering comfortable/familiar characteristics… If you’re saying he’s “everything I’ve ever wanted in a person”, the relationship challenges are probably still a mystery!

* What about the newer relationship makes you feel you can deal with its challenges?

* Any chance YOU have changed, offering more to the new relationship?

* If you HAVE changed in a positive way, bravo! The goal within and after any relationship is to learn and grow… Yet, that means comparing the two relationships is further complicated by your growth!

* If you HAVEN’T changed in a positive manner since the last relationship, you’re setting yourself up for recreating the same lessons over and over – with whomever you choose!

I’ve gotta ask: WHY did Tom change?! For the right reasons? For you? To “get you back”? Does he know who he is? Is he in touch with himself, and feels empowered by positive change and growth?

What personality traits do you find appealing only if they’re a core aspect of your partner’s personality?

If you partner learns how to be something or do something, is that better or worse to you than if he brings that trait to the relationship?

Do either of these guys have any of the following as innate/long-term traits?...

* An ability to tune into your needs compassionately

* An enthusiasm for consistent, honest communication

* A confident humility allowing him to embrace being “wrong”/imperfect

Those traits are harder to learn – take some work. Traits like not throwing your underwear on the floor? Those behaviours can be learned fairly easily, particularly if the person has some of the traits mentioned above!

Ultimately, whoever you choose to be with will offer you challenges and joys! Figure out your “must haves”, and move forward!

As I always say, go into the silence (meditate, deep-breathe & focus…) to find the answers. Deep down, YOU know what’s right for you!!

~ Namasté ~

Labels: Viewpoint

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posted by Mitch @ 1:56 PM   |  0 Comments   |  

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